Issues Update- Food and Feeding Order
We here at K9NN are hoping that you are all staying safe during the Covid-19 outbreak. We fully understand that this is a major health crisis that is facing our whole nation. This has somewhat interrupted our local election townhall meetings where we bring you candidates looking to be immediately elected (adopted). While we are working to identify new ways to promote the local doggo candidates and Save-A-Life, we also understand that the details surrounding some Doggo issues must still be addressed if we are to move forward with electing a Leader of the Pack. As the election is still planned to be held in November, we would like to take this opportunity to address another of the key issues that plague the K9 community and see what the candidates have to say about it.
While much effort has been put into determining what issues are most important to Doggos, it is the details surrounding these issues that the Leader of the Pack must address. For example, while polling indicates that most Doggos are Pro-eating (at least 235% favorability), it is far from being settled as to the order in which the food is to be placed. This issue was forced to the forefront of national concern with the arrival of a 4th Doggo into the Pack followed shortly thereafter by the great food-bowl mix up of November 4, 2019 (See Doggopedia: The November Food Tragedy). Is it nobler in the hearts of dogs to allow the Hu-mans to place the bowls down in their own chosen order or to suffer the indignation of wrong bowl placement? That is the question that must be answered.
We took this opportunity to sit down with each of the four Candidates to ask them their thoughts on this key issue. Mrs. Bella R Dogga, United Retriever’s Party Candidate as well as CCO of Fetching Lab Brewery was kind enough to not only sit down with us at our studio but she also brought us an amazing selection of Fetching Lab Beers for us to enjoy. Thank you Bella… you are a Good-Girl! Through her work guiding Fetching Lab Brewery and Taproom, Mrs. Dogga has acquired extensive experience with Hu-mans, “I’ve been at this a long time. I do believe that the Hu-mans can handle this task. Everyone will get fed.” She further expressed her understanding that it can be hard waiting for your bowl to be placed in the correct spot, “it’s just not worth all the jumping up and down and spinning in circles that some Doggos do.” It is believed that this last comment was in reference to General Ruffington’s unofficial nickname, “Fidget-Spinner”. We then took the opportunity to turn the conversation to Mrs Dogga’s personal experience of the November Food Tragedy. She stated, “I do admit, finding a bowl that was not mine in my spot was quite a blow, but the “Dad” seems contrite about it and we will continue to monitor his activities.” As to her overall stance regarding feeding order, she stated, “My administration pledges to dedicate sufficient resources into the development of efficient food distribution techniques in an effort to allocate more time for retrieving activities.”
We then visited Prof. Oberon O P Slobbar at his office. Prof Sobbar, the current frontrunner of the Doggos Encouraging Reform Party, is best known for his anti-“Enough” stance. The interview took an almost immediate turn when Prof. Slobbar stated, “The real issue is, why only the food in “the bowl”? It is a known fact, backed up by years of observation, that there is an endless supply of food in the Magic Food Room. Why do we only get what the Hu-mans put into our bowls and call “Enough”?” After showing us several photos of what appears to be a very tightly closed door, Prof Slobbar (after once again reminding us it is pronounced “Slow-Bear”) stated, “We must work to remove all impediments to our access to the Magic Food Room. I pledge I will work to get the Hu-mans to open that door permanently!” He then mumbled something about needing to think on the matter and proceeded to take a nap.
One of our roving reporters caught up with General Ranger R Ruffington while he was out on patrol. Gen. Ruffington, representing the Shepherds for Progress Party, is best known for his stance on Yard Protection. When asked his thoughts on Feeding order, he stated, “This shouldn’t be an issue. The most logical course of action is to place the bowls down starting in the spot that is closest to the Magic Food Room.” When asked how he felt regarding the fact that this is not a stance shared by the majority of the Pack, he stated, “I know it seems unfair as my spot is closest to the Magic Food Room, but it’s just the best way. That’s the way that it has always been done and all attempts to change it have failed.” Arguing issues of efficiency and the importance of protecting the Yard, the General’s final comments were, “We want to work to ensure that there is progress, but not too much progress that could be detrimental to me receiving my food quickly. And as to Mrs. Dogga’s comments, the Spin-in-Place maneuver is an extremely effective Threat Assessment techniques and I will have you know that the nickname was bestowed upon me by none other than ‘Mom’ herself.” He then dismissed the reporter to continue with his patrol and began barking at a dragonfly that was encroaching on the Yard’s protected airspace.
Being one of the most approachable of the candidates, we were able to find Miss Piper U McPuppers exploring a new smell she discovered in the Yard. Miss McPuppers stunned the entire Pack when she became the youngest candidate to run for office by forming the Lickatarian Party. (The fact that every dog in the Pack is running for office has never come up in conversation.) When we asked for her stance on the issue, she stated, “My current stance is all four legs spread for stability, tail in the air, nose to the ground trying to identify this new scent.” The reporter promptly told her it was a dead dragonfly and clarified that the question was in regards to feeding order. To which she responded, “I believe that all Doggos have the right to equal treatment. If one doggo gets fed the others should be fed as well.” When informed that the issue in question was the order of the feeding and not if any Doggo should be left out of the feeding, she responded, “That is exactly the point I was trying to make.” She then took the opportunity presented by the stunned reporters silence to state, “I pledge to work to ensure that all Doggos in the Pack are fed at least once a day. We shouldn’t have to wait so long to be fed a second time each day.”
Editor’s note: After the interview concluded, the field reporter promptly quit and became a turnup farmer.
As can be clearly seen, even though all the candidates agree that food is important, they have a wide range of stances on how to address feeding order. It is K9NN’s opinion that this will not be a “One Issue race”. The battle for top dog is just heating up! Stay tuned to K9NN as your Election Headquarters!
Let us know your opinion on what other K9 issues we need to address to help you evaluate these fine K9 Citizens and don’t forget to Vote for Leader of the Pack in November!
Note: Vote Dog 2020 is being performed as part of the Fetching Lab Brewery’s Save-A-Life program. It is intended to be fun and to help raise visibility to the Save-A-Life Program, Pets in need and to Fetching Lab Brewery. We are attempting to look at elections through a Doggos eyes. Any similarity to any Hu-man candidates, issues, current events or other political ideology is unintentional and should be viewed as such. Let’s all have a little fun and help out some Doggos!